Assalamualaikum dan selamat sejahtera,
berdirinya saya di hadapan notebook ini adalah betujuan
untuk membawakan saudara dan saudari menyelami nurkilan
atau carikan peristiwa seram yg original atau telah diolah sendiri oleh saya...
paa paa paa palammmmmmm, paa paa paaa palammmmm (sfx: opening theme)
disebabkan aku masih mude remaja, dan takut2 lagi, (sekarang pun takut gak)
aku cite gaye orang penakut skit la yerr...
STORY: CASPER
Tarikh: Mase aku baru abis SPM atau belum aku pun x pasti
Masa: Magribi
Tempat: Kuaters tempat aku duduk dulu
Lain-Lain: Aku mude remaja lagi nie..
Dikeheningan petang.. waktu tue aku ade dengan daddy aku je,
kite namekan watak aku dalam cite nie syamsul la yer, dan daddy aku yusop,
daddy: syamsul, mane mummy kamu nie 'sole', dah magrib nie..
syamsul: x tau la daddy, 'sole' dari tadi melayan TV je nie..
daddy: tak per la 'sole', biar daddy hisap cigaret daddy nie..
daddy: *hisap cigarette*
syamsul: *tgk tv*
suddenly, kami terdengar bunyi tangisan mendayu2...
pintu rumah kami yg masih terbukak luas,
membuatkan bunyik itu jelas kedengaran.
aku dengan daddy aku pun buat dek jela,
magrib2 nie, x lalu aku nak layan bende2 pelik mcm nie,
bak kate pepatah, "kite biorkan aje"
makin lame, makin kuat bunyik tue..
melompat jugak la aku dari baringan meniarap depan TV sebab dah kuat sangat..
disebabkan daddy ku yg gagah perkasa nie masih buat dek je,
aku pun menunjukkan kejantanan aku pergi ke pintu..
(niat aku mase tue nak tutup pintu je, kang die masuk rumah kang x pasal je)..
sesampai je aku kat pintu rumah tue, aku perasan yg gate rumah aku x tutup lagi..
aku pun jalan la ke arah gate nak tutup gate... tetibe je, aku dengar suare dari dalam rumah..
daddy: 'sole', cube ko checkkan sape yg menangis2 tue..
alaaa, daddy i nie, kacau daun la, kang yg menangis tue jembalang jintat kang mcm mane?
disebabkan perintah daddy adalah absolute, aku pun sarung la selipar,
jalan keluar dari gate rumah aku... gate rumah aku biarkan terbukak, sebab kalau paper jadik
bole aku lari masuk rumah terus... huahuahauhua
rumah kat kuartes nie jenis double story,
so aku pun jalan la ke atas (sebab die mcm naik bukit skit),
sambil tue dengar2 la dari mane suare tue datang...
dah la mase tue magrib and disusuli suare orang nangis2,
aku jalan and jalan and merangkak and bergolek and berlari..
lat 3 rumah dari rumah aku... aku pun nampak la rumah pak mamat(MBLBNS)* nie terbukak
aku jengah kat dalam tue.. and aku nampak pandangan yg x brape menyenangkan..
bini pak mamat tengah pangku anak perempuan die sambil anak perempuan die menangis2..
lor dari sini rupe-eh sorenye.. nasib baik oghang, so aku pun amik keputusan, balik je la ke rumah..
malas aku nak campur masalah anak-beranak orang lain.. baru aku nak balik,
tetibe aku dengan bini pak mamat, madam poah kite namekan die ye..
madam poah: 'sole', 'sole', tolong makcik 'sole', ade sape2 x kat rumah, pak mamat xde nie..
syamsul: daddy 'sole' ade la kat rumah, nape madam poah?
madam poah: ni hah, anak madam nie, kene rasuk agaknye..
ler... kene rasuk ke ? aku ingat nangis2 sebab kene tempeleng ngan mak die..
(bole tahan blur gak aku mase nie, mude remaja lagi la katakan)...
aku pun berlari selaju mungkin balik ke rumah aku (3 rumah sebelah je..)
syamsul: daddy, daddy, anaknye pak mamat tue.. mcm kene rasuk je
daddy: bertenang 'sole', bertenang, biar daddy amik air wudhuk dulu...
untuk pengetahuan saudara-saudara, daddy aku nie bilal masjid..
aku rase die tau la skit2 ape nak dibacenye bile berhadapan dengan kes sebegini..
sebab dulu ade gak orang bersilat x pasal2 sebelah rumah aku,
die masuk and terajang orang tue, trus occay.. <--- tipu je, die bace ayat2..
aku pun berjalan la dengan daddy aku pi rumah madam poah..
mase kami dekat gate derang, budak tue melalak lagi,
then daddy aku pun bagilah salam, kitorang pun masuk la ke dalam rumah tue..
masuk2 je, terus budak tue berenti nanges..
humang aihh~ terrer gak daddy den nie, masuk je trus beghonti budak nie..
tapi mate budak tue terbeliak-beliak tgk kitorang, mcm tgh blur..
malangnye budak tue bukan blur, ade lagi rupenye bende kat dalam badan die..
budak tue mula menangis teresak2 lagi... kali nie sore die mcm budak kecik..
lain bebeno' suare yg kluar yg mmg x expect la budak form 4 punye sore mcm tue..
haku pun ape lagi.. terus bangun dan pergi ke arah pintu,
mengekek2 bende tue gelak.. malaun kamjad punye entiti...
suare die gelak tue mcm budak kecik umur 4-5 tahun.. halus~
aku pun mcm nak tunjuk macho, buat2 la tgk2 luar.. and then aku pun cakap..
syamsul: dengar sore kete tadi, ingat mummy dah balik.. (sambil mengibas2 rambut ala2 kesatria).
di sebabkan suasana yg serious, xde orang pun gelak, maybe sebab sume tgh takut kut..
pastu daddy i pun mintak la air dan bace2 something kat gelas die..
budak tue aku tgk meronta-ronta sikit la, tapi xde mcm cite2 yg aku pernah dengar...
orang kene rasuk nie, kuat gle sampai kene tahan 7-8 orang lelaki...
maybe yg masuk tue budak kecik kut.. so x kuat sangat la physical die..
kalau lombu yg merasuk, masuk kene tahan dgn 20 orang kut..
kalau lombu tue, kalau kapal terbang mcm mane? seram aku pikirkan..
ntah la, aku pun x tau sangat pasal bende nie..
tetibe je budak nie membebel bahase tamil...
hambik ko!!! terperanjat satu rumah.. sore budak kecik,
cakap bahase tamil... lebey kurang mcm nie la bunyik die
budak kene sampuk: कुछ कह रही है कि समझ में नहीं है~~
budak kene sampuk: अधिक शब्दों कि समझ नहीं है~~
aku tengok budak tue mcm menyirap plak darah aku,
sebab baru beberape minggu lepas, ade budak india curik basikal adik aku..
rase nak tempeleng plak budak nie.. sebab aku terbayang2 budak tue cakap tamil ngan aku..
tengah aku bengang2 tue.. tetibe je budak tue pandang tepat ke arah aku..
sambil tengok aku budak tue start senyum..
humang aihhh~~ seram woo gaye budak tue senyum..
aku pun x dapat nak describe.. tetibe je budak tue mengekek2...
budak kene sampuk: ekekekekeke, ekekekekekeke, hihihihihihihi....
PELEPAPP!!!! (sfx: jantung aku gugur sat)
nasib baik daddy aku dah abis bace2an die, trus daddy aku renjis2kan air tue kat muke die..
menjerit2 budak tue... huihhh~ terrer gak my daddy nie yer..
lepas tue daddy aku pun bacelah ayat2 skit and makin lame makin bertenanglah budak tue..
and then budak tue pun tertido.. fuhhh~~ lega skit aku..
padan muke ko antu, tertido dah...
daddy aku pun cakap la ngan madam poah tue..
daddy: poah, bawak la anak ko nie berobat nanti, sekarang nie dah reda skit..
aku ngan daddy aku pun balik rumah,
heran gak la mummy aku tgk kitorang maghrib2 ilang,
AFTERMATH
===========
Aftermath 1: malam tue rupenye, anak madam poah tue kene rasuk balik, tapi nasib pak mamat dah balik mase tue, so derang pun pi la berobat..
Aftermath 2: nanti la aku cite.. panjang sangat dah nie
AKRONIM
==========
MBLBNS = Macam Biase La, Bukan Name Sebenar
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
[Siri Mari Tidur Bukak Lampu] Come Fly With Me
puihhh~ lame gle rasenye aku x menulis kat blog nie,
mcm dah dekat 10 tahun rasenye, bukan ape.. aku tengah sibuk menyiasat kisah2 seram.
banyak tempat ankerr dah aku lawati, antaranya, pergunungan alps,
banjaran himalaya, bandar terapung babylon dan baru-baru ni aku melawati
beberapa tempat berentiti seperti rumah ankel seekers, rumah adik ankel,
kebun pak cik subhari dan juga motoboat mohd richard syamsul aliyas yg juga dikenali ramai sebagai pak mujib.
walaupun perenggan di atas ini direka 100% oleh aku dengan percubaan murah membuat korang tersenyum.
perenggan2 di bawah nie, aku akan CUBA menceritakan satu benda yg benar2 terjadi..
yer la, kene la senyum2 dulu, lepas tue baru kite takut nak tdo sorang2 malam nanti..
cerite nie aku dapat dari mase aku baru2 start keje..
dan cite nie boleh dikatekan sambungan dari cite cekin yg dulu aku tulis. (read One Miss Call )
aku tatau nape, tapi time nie, sakan betul aku kene kacau..
bintat toron betul aku rase sewaktu itu
kamera.. rollin.. eksyen~~~
STORY: COME FLY WITH ME
tarikh : atuk ni pelupe cuu, tarikh kawen atuk pun terlupe jap aritue, lagi la tarikh cite nie terjadi
mase : malam yg masih muda, (11.23pm - 11.48pm)
lokasi : UNITEN menjana propesional
lain-lain : semase nie aku masih di perantauan lagi, aku sorang2 je kat bangi T_T
aku(bukan nama sebenar), balik dari berjumpe cekin, ko mmg banyak buat hal la cekin,
penat betul mase tue, siang buat keje, malam buat assg,
tgh malam main game, pagi tido kat opis, siang buat keje..
routine seharian aku yg umpama tapir oberdos ini membuatkan aku terasa asyik asyik asyik..
sedang aku asyik asyik asyik membawa motosikal JFK kesayangan aku yg bernama ferguson,
aku pun sampai la di bawah terowong jembatan sebelum ATM didalam UNITEN.
suasana hening malam yg x berapa nak malam agak sunyi
kosong, xde kereta, motosekal, siamang mahupun keldai betina mengembek syahdu di situ.
aku berasa ajaib, sebab jam baru pukul 11 lebih, tapi kosong..
dalam ati aku terdetik - gile x kay el bebudak UNITEN zaman sekarang nie,
pukul 11 dah duduk rumah..
sambil aku menarik napas untuk memulakan aktiviti "karaokaysikal" (karaoke atas motosikal)
aku pun mendongak ke atas (nak amik napas dalam nie)...
ZAAAAABAMMMMMMMM !!!!! (sfx: bende melintas dan bunyi dalam otak aku)
sehelai kain putih terbang berkeliaran di atas kepala aku...
x sempat aku nak menghembus napas kembali..
BAMMMMMMMMMMM !!!!!!
sehelai atau seekor lagi terbang berkejaran
2 ekor ye kawan2 berterbangan gaya2 anggun diatas kepala aku..
OxO < --- muke aku tahan hembus napas sebab terkejut dgn ape yg berlaku
dalam ati aku menyumpah-nyumpah kewujudan 2 entiti yg x di undang ini
sumpah, aku lebih rela tgk keldai betina mengembek syahdu 1000 kali dari tgk bende alah xsenonoh nie..
kepala aku semakin rapat dengan kepala motor aku (read: tunduk)
dengan harapan cahaye lampu motor aku nie akan membantu mengkaburkan penglihatan aku
dari melihat bende x senonoh berkeliaran di atas kepala aku.
apsal x senonoh korang tanye?
of course la x senonoh, 2 ekor wanita berterbangan di atas kepala aku.
dah la pakai kain, entah pakai spender ke idak, x nak aku tgk.
aku pun memecut motosekal aku yg x boleh nak pecut tue selaju mungkin.**
dengan harapan, depan skit je nak nampak pak guard,
dalam hati aku berkata, "padan muke korang malaun jintat,
mesti korang akan takut pak guard mintak id korang dan korang akan menghilangkan diri"
jalan yg sepatutnye 3 minit dari ATM ke pak guard tue di rasakan sebagai 3 jam,
pondok pak guard dah kelihatan, hati aku mula terasa reda.. namun....
BAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sfx: otak aku berbunyik)
pak guard plak xde malam tue, kosong, lengang, empty, neglected, betrayed,
demmit, demmit, demmit, demmit.... apsal pondok pak guard nie kosong plak?
selalunye terhegeh2 derang senyum kat nyah2 dari kawasan cendawan,
maybe dah abis sem kut, sebab tue derang xde (pemikiran dalaman aku selama 0.03 saat)
ZAAAAAAAASSSSS !!!! ZAAAAAAAASSSSSSS !!!!! (sfx: mahluk x diredhai aku, melintas)
betul2 lalu atas bumbung rumah pak guard..
ade lagi 2 ekor mahluk sengal nie berterbangan bebas di angkasa...
aku dengan hati yg cekal dan berwawasan, aku rempuhi jugak rumah guard yg mcm ditinggal 10 tahun itu..
mengambil corner yg x berapa nak baring ke arah kanan tanpa menghiraukan ade kete ke idak kat jalan besar...
dan dan dan dan dan dan .......... aku x eksiden.... yehaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
tetibe aku teringat, depan tue gelap dan aku akan lalu dibawah laluan terowong angkerr
yg pernah ade orang meninggal eksiden jatuh dari atas.. amsammmfmfmfmsfmsfmfmfff~~~
cancel yehaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! (13 huruf 'a' ye kawan2 dan 5 tanda seru)
dengan hati yg cekal dan berwawasan aku rempuhi jugak jalan yg mungkin berliku atau tidak berliku itu..
pernyedian rohaniah telah aku buat dengan memulas pedal motor aku hingga habis,
persediaan batiniah plak aku x dapat nak buat sebab jangan kata ayat qursi,
suruh bace bismillah pun aku rase aku fail time tue, (panic in the disco jap)
so instead of membace bacaan2 proper dan berupaya menghalau mahluk lebih dasyat dari keldai itu,
aku replace bacaan dengan "makiokaysekal" (read: maki-makian di atas motosikal)
aku rase mase tue kalau ade kamus maki-makian,
memang dari page 1 sampai ke page last sume aku sebut,
antara yg popular adalah "tenuk, anjing, barua dan labu sayung"...
sepanjang2 terowong tue aku isi dengan bacaan2 18SG (bacaan mentera 3 minit)
ZAAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!! ZAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
melintas lagi bende tue, aku nampak die lalu atas flyover terowong tue..
aku pun pecut bawah flyover(aka terowong) dengan kelajuan cahaya,
dan mengambil korner baring keluar dari terowong itu dengan kelajuan cahaya juga,
(berapi-api beb bawah moto gua, tempat pijak brek makan kat jalan... mmg mcm hero la wa cakap lu.. deee~)
ZAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS !!!!!! ZAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
bende alah x senonoh tue melintas lagi depan mate aku lepas aku keluar terowong tue,
seolah-olah menghargai ke-heroan aku yg mengambil kona berapi2...
labu sayung sungguh perangai mereka2 ini, jangan la kacau aku lagi!!! bisik aku dalam hati aku..
taper, jage korang... aku dah nak masuk highway nie, masak la korang ade kete,
mesti korang x nak kacau aku dah.. aku tau korang takut ngan kete lain...
mwahahahahahahaha~~~ gelak aku didalam ati..
acah mak enon, aku tgh takut kut, ape jadah aku nak gelak dalam ati!!!!
aku pun masuk highway, bende2 tue mmg mengikut aku lagi kat highway tue..
dan mcm biase ye kawan2... highway tue kosong, lengang, empty, neglected, betrayed...
same mcm rumah pak guard yg aku lalu tadi,
kali nie, memang aku dah x mampu nak cakap ape, motor aku pun dah keluar bunyik2 pelik,
akibat terperanjat dek tuan motor die yg 1st time buat stunt amerika tadi..
aku pun memperlahankan motor dan meneruskan mantera makiokaysekal aku
bukan ape, penat wooo buat stunt kang kalau aku tergolek atas jalan nanti,
aku plak yg join depa terbang2 karang...
aku meneruskan perjalanan aku dengan mate yg terbuka ala xnak bukak..
aku xde la takut sangat nak hadap, tapi bende tue pakai kain, x sopan..
sambil malaun-malaun kamjad itu meneruskan sesi terbang2 mereka...
sampai la ke flyover nak ke bangi, lampu trafik bertukar menjadi merah pulok dah..
sameon hussien sungguh traffic light nie.. selama 1 minit gak aku tgk "free show" kat situ..
dengan prinsip aku yg berbunyik "1jalanraya, kemalangan dielak2kan, undang2 diutama2kan"
aku x langgar lampu merah tue yer kawan...
BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! (sfx: otak aku)
kete satria hitam parking sebelah aku tunggu traffic light..
dan x semena2 dua ekor makhluk unknown itu hilang...
perggggghhhh~~ selamat aku akhirnya...
dapat jugak aku menghembuskan napas yg aku tarik sebab nak ber"karaokaysekal" tadi..
macam aku nak ketuk cermin kete satria tue dan cakap kat die
"tengyu jaya uncle, die sebabkan ankella, makhluk x beriman itu menghilangkan diri"..
tapi aku batalkan hasrat tue, sebab muke aku pun dah mcm xde darah,
kang x pasal2 aku kene "makiokaykar" (read: maki-hamun didalam motokar) oleh brader kete tue..
dan x semena2 jugalah, tetibe kawasan tue hidup,
banyak gle kete lalu-lalang, kedai makan pun bukak,
mobil, soho, shell, petronas, sup gearbox terang menderang..
mereka tampak seperti bersuka ria, lansung tidak memperdulikan keadaan aku yg mcm
nak meninggal kene kacau dengan 2 ekor labu sayung kamjad usop wilcha tadi...
aku meneruskan perjalan balik rumah dengan hampir 13 batang rokok aku hisap buang hisap buang..
dan mengejutkan osmet aku untuk di ajak menom di kedai sebab aku dah longlai
dek pengalaman xsenonoh aku lalui tadi...
AFTERMATH
===========
aku x berani nak balik malam2 dah lepas tue, perangai nie hanya konsisten selama
seminggu 2 je.. lepas tue aku balik malam2 gak sebab banyak keje nak aku siapkan..
MORAL OF THE STORY
===========
Kalau nak terbang tue cik non hoii, jangan la pakai kain,
xelok kalau orang nampak, nasib aku x pervert,
kalau kene ngan orang pervert, x die amik gambar korang letak kat fesbuk..
nanti baru nak press charge la ape la, sape yg susah? dah la xde peguam nak bela korang..
notakaki:
1. motor x leyh nak pecut bukan sebab ade entiti duduk ke hape, motor aku mmg x leyh nak pecut
mcm dah dekat 10 tahun rasenye, bukan ape.. aku tengah sibuk menyiasat kisah2 seram.
banyak tempat ankerr dah aku lawati, antaranya, pergunungan alps,
banjaran himalaya, bandar terapung babylon dan baru-baru ni aku melawati
beberapa tempat berentiti seperti rumah ankel seekers, rumah adik ankel,
kebun pak cik subhari dan juga motoboat mohd richard syamsul aliyas yg juga dikenali ramai sebagai pak mujib.
walaupun perenggan di atas ini direka 100% oleh aku dengan percubaan murah membuat korang tersenyum.
perenggan2 di bawah nie, aku akan CUBA menceritakan satu benda yg benar2 terjadi..
yer la, kene la senyum2 dulu, lepas tue baru kite takut nak tdo sorang2 malam nanti..
cerite nie aku dapat dari mase aku baru2 start keje..
dan cite nie boleh dikatekan sambungan dari cite cekin yg dulu aku tulis. (read One Miss Call )
aku tatau nape, tapi time nie, sakan betul aku kene kacau..
bintat toron betul aku rase sewaktu itu
kamera.. rollin.. eksyen~~~
STORY: COME FLY WITH ME
tarikh : atuk ni pelupe cuu, tarikh kawen atuk pun terlupe jap aritue, lagi la tarikh cite nie terjadi
mase : malam yg masih muda, (11.23pm - 11.48pm)
lokasi : UNITEN menjana propesional
lain-lain : semase nie aku masih di perantauan lagi, aku sorang2 je kat bangi T_T
aku(bukan nama sebenar), balik dari berjumpe cekin, ko mmg banyak buat hal la cekin,
penat betul mase tue, siang buat keje, malam buat assg,
tgh malam main game, pagi tido kat opis, siang buat keje..
routine seharian aku yg umpama tapir oberdos ini membuatkan aku terasa asyik asyik asyik..
sedang aku asyik asyik asyik membawa motosikal JFK kesayangan aku yg bernama ferguson,
aku pun sampai la di bawah terowong jembatan sebelum ATM didalam UNITEN.
suasana hening malam yg x berapa nak malam agak sunyi
kosong, xde kereta, motosekal, siamang mahupun keldai betina mengembek syahdu di situ.
aku berasa ajaib, sebab jam baru pukul 11 lebih, tapi kosong..
dalam ati aku terdetik - gile x kay el bebudak UNITEN zaman sekarang nie,
pukul 11 dah duduk rumah..
sambil aku menarik napas untuk memulakan aktiviti "karaokaysikal" (karaoke atas motosikal)
aku pun mendongak ke atas (nak amik napas dalam nie)...
ZAAAAABAMMMMMMMM !!!!! (sfx: bende melintas dan bunyi dalam otak aku)
sehelai kain putih terbang berkeliaran di atas kepala aku...
x sempat aku nak menghembus napas kembali..
BAMMMMMMMMMMM !!!!!!
sehelai atau seekor lagi terbang berkejaran
2 ekor ye kawan2 berterbangan gaya2 anggun diatas kepala aku..
OxO < --- muke aku tahan hembus napas sebab terkejut dgn ape yg berlaku
dalam ati aku menyumpah-nyumpah kewujudan 2 entiti yg x di undang ini
sumpah, aku lebih rela tgk keldai betina mengembek syahdu 1000 kali dari tgk bende alah xsenonoh nie..
kepala aku semakin rapat dengan kepala motor aku (read: tunduk)
dengan harapan cahaye lampu motor aku nie akan membantu mengkaburkan penglihatan aku
dari melihat bende x senonoh berkeliaran di atas kepala aku.
apsal x senonoh korang tanye?
of course la x senonoh, 2 ekor wanita berterbangan di atas kepala aku.
dah la pakai kain, entah pakai spender ke idak, x nak aku tgk.
aku pun memecut motosekal aku yg x boleh nak pecut tue selaju mungkin.**
dengan harapan, depan skit je nak nampak pak guard,
dalam hati aku berkata, "padan muke korang malaun jintat,
mesti korang akan takut pak guard mintak id korang dan korang akan menghilangkan diri"
jalan yg sepatutnye 3 minit dari ATM ke pak guard tue di rasakan sebagai 3 jam,
pondok pak guard dah kelihatan, hati aku mula terasa reda.. namun....
BAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sfx: otak aku berbunyik)
pak guard plak xde malam tue, kosong, lengang, empty, neglected, betrayed,
demmit, demmit, demmit, demmit.... apsal pondok pak guard nie kosong plak?
selalunye terhegeh2 derang senyum kat nyah2 dari kawasan cendawan,
maybe dah abis sem kut, sebab tue derang xde (pemikiran dalaman aku selama 0.03 saat)
ZAAAAAAAASSSSS !!!! ZAAAAAAAASSSSSSS !!!!! (sfx: mahluk x diredhai aku, melintas)
betul2 lalu atas bumbung rumah pak guard..
ade lagi 2 ekor mahluk sengal nie berterbangan bebas di angkasa...
aku dengan hati yg cekal dan berwawasan, aku rempuhi jugak rumah guard yg mcm ditinggal 10 tahun itu..
mengambil corner yg x berapa nak baring ke arah kanan tanpa menghiraukan ade kete ke idak kat jalan besar...
dan dan dan dan dan dan .......... aku x eksiden.... yehaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
tetibe aku teringat, depan tue gelap dan aku akan lalu dibawah laluan terowong angkerr
yg pernah ade orang meninggal eksiden jatuh dari atas.. amsammmfmfmfmsfmsfmfmfff~~~
cancel yehaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! (13 huruf 'a' ye kawan2 dan 5 tanda seru)
dengan hati yg cekal dan berwawasan aku rempuhi jugak jalan yg mungkin berliku atau tidak berliku itu..
pernyedian rohaniah telah aku buat dengan memulas pedal motor aku hingga habis,
persediaan batiniah plak aku x dapat nak buat sebab jangan kata ayat qursi,
suruh bace bismillah pun aku rase aku fail time tue, (panic in the disco jap)
so instead of membace bacaan2 proper dan berupaya menghalau mahluk lebih dasyat dari keldai itu,
aku replace bacaan dengan "makiokaysekal" (read: maki-makian di atas motosikal)
aku rase mase tue kalau ade kamus maki-makian,
memang dari page 1 sampai ke page last sume aku sebut,
antara yg popular adalah "tenuk, anjing, barua dan labu sayung"...
sepanjang2 terowong tue aku isi dengan bacaan2 18SG (bacaan mentera 3 minit)
ZAAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!! ZAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
melintas lagi bende tue, aku nampak die lalu atas flyover terowong tue..
aku pun pecut bawah flyover(aka terowong) dengan kelajuan cahaya,
dan mengambil korner baring keluar dari terowong itu dengan kelajuan cahaya juga,
(berapi-api beb bawah moto gua, tempat pijak brek makan kat jalan... mmg mcm hero la wa cakap lu.. deee~)
ZAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS !!!!!! ZAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
bende alah x senonoh tue melintas lagi depan mate aku lepas aku keluar terowong tue,
seolah-olah menghargai ke-heroan aku yg mengambil kona berapi2...
labu sayung sungguh perangai mereka2 ini, jangan la kacau aku lagi!!! bisik aku dalam hati aku..
taper, jage korang... aku dah nak masuk highway nie, masak la korang ade kete,
mesti korang x nak kacau aku dah.. aku tau korang takut ngan kete lain...
mwahahahahahahaha~~~ gelak aku didalam ati..
acah mak enon, aku tgh takut kut, ape jadah aku nak gelak dalam ati!!!!
aku pun masuk highway, bende2 tue mmg mengikut aku lagi kat highway tue..
dan mcm biase ye kawan2... highway tue kosong, lengang, empty, neglected, betrayed...
same mcm rumah pak guard yg aku lalu tadi,
kali nie, memang aku dah x mampu nak cakap ape, motor aku pun dah keluar bunyik2 pelik,
akibat terperanjat dek tuan motor die yg 1st time buat stunt amerika tadi..
aku pun memperlahankan motor dan meneruskan mantera makiokaysekal aku
bukan ape, penat wooo buat stunt kang kalau aku tergolek atas jalan nanti,
aku plak yg join depa terbang2 karang...
aku meneruskan perjalanan aku dengan mate yg terbuka ala xnak bukak..
aku xde la takut sangat nak hadap, tapi bende tue pakai kain, x sopan..
sambil malaun-malaun kamjad itu meneruskan sesi terbang2 mereka...
sampai la ke flyover nak ke bangi, lampu trafik bertukar menjadi merah pulok dah..
sameon hussien sungguh traffic light nie.. selama 1 minit gak aku tgk "free show" kat situ..
dengan prinsip aku yg berbunyik "1jalanraya, kemalangan dielak2kan, undang2 diutama2kan"
aku x langgar lampu merah tue yer kawan...
BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! (sfx: otak aku)
kete satria hitam parking sebelah aku tunggu traffic light..
dan x semena2 dua ekor makhluk unknown itu hilang...
perggggghhhh~~ selamat aku akhirnya...
dapat jugak aku menghembuskan napas yg aku tarik sebab nak ber"karaokaysekal" tadi..
macam aku nak ketuk cermin kete satria tue dan cakap kat die
"tengyu jaya uncle, die sebabkan ankella, makhluk x beriman itu menghilangkan diri"..
tapi aku batalkan hasrat tue, sebab muke aku pun dah mcm xde darah,
kang x pasal2 aku kene "makiokaykar" (read: maki-hamun didalam motokar) oleh brader kete tue..
dan x semena2 jugalah, tetibe kawasan tue hidup,
banyak gle kete lalu-lalang, kedai makan pun bukak,
mobil, soho, shell, petronas, sup gearbox terang menderang..
mereka tampak seperti bersuka ria, lansung tidak memperdulikan keadaan aku yg mcm
nak meninggal kene kacau dengan 2 ekor labu sayung kamjad usop wilcha tadi...
aku meneruskan perjalan balik rumah dengan hampir 13 batang rokok aku hisap buang hisap buang..
dan mengejutkan osmet aku untuk di ajak menom di kedai sebab aku dah longlai
dek pengalaman xsenonoh aku lalui tadi...
AFTERMATH
===========
aku x berani nak balik malam2 dah lepas tue, perangai nie hanya konsisten selama
seminggu 2 je.. lepas tue aku balik malam2 gak sebab banyak keje nak aku siapkan..
MORAL OF THE STORY
===========
Kalau nak terbang tue cik non hoii, jangan la pakai kain,
xelok kalau orang nampak, nasib aku x pervert,
kalau kene ngan orang pervert, x die amik gambar korang letak kat fesbuk..
nanti baru nak press charge la ape la, sape yg susah? dah la xde peguam nak bela korang..
notakaki:
1. motor x leyh nak pecut bukan sebab ade entiti duduk ke hape, motor aku mmg x leyh nak pecut
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
[Epistles] Ophiuchus - New Zodiac Sign, Fucking Hard to pronounce it
copy pasta: here
According to astrologial principles, the Sun travels from the constellation Scorpius and goes directly into the sign of Sagittarius, but due to the constant motion of the cosmos, the Sun enters, for a few days of the year, the star constellation 'Ophiuchus' before entering Sagittarius from Scorpius, thus creating astrologically the birth of a thirteenth sign of the Zodiac, which is named as Ophiuchus the Serpent Holder.
The constellation of Ophiuchus is the only sign of the Zodiac which is linked to a real man. This man lived in ancient Egypt around the 27th century BC, and his name was Imhotep. The attributes of Imhotep can also be found in the Biblical Hebrew man Joseph, son of Jacob.. Imhotep is credited with many accomplishments including the knowledge and use of medicine. It is said of Imhotep that he brought the art of healing to mankind.The symbol of a serpent, which is still widely used today to represent the medical profession, was used to represent Imhotep. Imhotep was also known as 'Aesclepius' to the ancient Greeks
ATTRIBUTES THAT DESCRIBE THE SIGN OF OPHIUCHUS
• interpreter of dreams, premonitions
• attracts good luck
• serpent holder
• lofty ideals
• a seeker of peace and harmony
• doctor of medicine or science
• to add, increase, join or gather together
• poetical, inventive nature, expanding
• seeks higher education
• overseer, supervisor of work
• fame - either grand or completely misunderstood
• longevity, aspirations of healing the ills of man
• architect, builder, reaches for the stars
• tax assessor or levys taxes
• astrological talents, intuitive
• large family indicated, but apt to be separated from them when young
• the number twelve holds great significance
• foresight to benefit from hard times
• has secret enemies in family or close associations
• many jealous of this subject
• notable father, apple of father's eye when young
• high position in life expected [depending on aspects] highest fame and legend comes after death however
• feelings of granular, wise,
• likes to wear clothing of vibrant colors
• receives the favor of those in charge
Ophiuchus in the Planetary Zodiac:
The planet Pluto was found in Ophiuchus until the end of 2003, after which it passed into Serpens Cauda, the Serpent's Tail. The Centaur object, the minor planetoid Chiron, was visible against the stars of Ophiuchus until November 2001, after which it passed over the border into Sagittarius. Venus and Mercury can be found in Ophiuchus for a time each year.
The New Zodiac
ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20 - I'M HERE NOW!!!
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9 - BYE BYE !!!
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18
According to astrologial principles, the Sun travels from the constellation Scorpius and goes directly into the sign of Sagittarius, but due to the constant motion of the cosmos, the Sun enters, for a few days of the year, the star constellation 'Ophiuchus' before entering Sagittarius from Scorpius, thus creating astrologically the birth of a thirteenth sign of the Zodiac, which is named as Ophiuchus the Serpent Holder.
The constellation of Ophiuchus is the only sign of the Zodiac which is linked to a real man. This man lived in ancient Egypt around the 27th century BC, and his name was Imhotep. The attributes of Imhotep can also be found in the Biblical Hebrew man Joseph, son of Jacob.. Imhotep is credited with many accomplishments including the knowledge and use of medicine. It is said of Imhotep that he brought the art of healing to mankind.The symbol of a serpent, which is still widely used today to represent the medical profession, was used to represent Imhotep. Imhotep was also known as 'Aesclepius' to the ancient Greeks
ATTRIBUTES THAT DESCRIBE THE SIGN OF OPHIUCHUS
• interpreter of dreams, premonitions
• attracts good luck
• serpent holder
• lofty ideals
• a seeker of peace and harmony
• doctor of medicine or science
• to add, increase, join or gather together
• poetical, inventive nature, expanding
• seeks higher education
• overseer, supervisor of work
• fame - either grand or completely misunderstood
• longevity, aspirations of healing the ills of man
• architect, builder, reaches for the stars
• tax assessor or levys taxes
• astrological talents, intuitive
• large family indicated, but apt to be separated from them when young
• the number twelve holds great significance
• foresight to benefit from hard times
• has secret enemies in family or close associations
• many jealous of this subject
• notable father, apple of father's eye when young
• high position in life expected [depending on aspects] highest fame and legend comes after death however
• feelings of granular, wise,
• likes to wear clothing of vibrant colors
• receives the favor of those in charge
Ophiuchus in the Planetary Zodiac:
The planet Pluto was found in Ophiuchus until the end of 2003, after which it passed into Serpens Cauda, the Serpent's Tail. The Centaur object, the minor planetoid Chiron, was visible against the stars of Ophiuchus until November 2001, after which it passed over the border into Sagittarius. Venus and Mercury can be found in Ophiuchus for a time each year.
The New Zodiac
ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20 - I'M HERE NOW!!!
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9 - BYE BYE !!!
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
[Epistles] you can say fuck you and i can say that back at you
everything have an ending
whether it sad or happy
one will never know
life, it just a lie, a dreams, very long stupid dreams
or should i say, it a big fucked up game
i couldnt save it, couldnt load it either
dunno where the fucking checkpoint also
for me, i never wish i was born..
for what purpose ? or even for what reason ?
should i know what in store for me ?
i guess, even the wisest cant answer that ..
have faith, have faith, have faith, have faith, have faith !!!!
shall i seek faith, or shall faith came to find me ..
i'm in a very deep shit, lost.. how should i find the right path..
i believe in god.. and i believe in god promises..
one of that is every single soul that breath,
will stop breathing.. and when that day come..
where should i go ?? what should i do ??
why am i have to go through this ??
i think i'm not too good too be in heaven,
i think i'm not too evil too rot in hell either..
this uncertainty.. urghhhh~~
i had live for quarter century now ?
what has i done, what i'm going to do ?
just live to see the curve in others lips while
the curve just upside down in mine ?
in the end, i want to share something..
to someone that i know wont ever betray me..
i guess that someone is too much of a wish for me.. heh~
life is just a big fucking mess up that i have to go through..
i dont care about money!! give me thousands, millions ..
i dun have shit to buy, i dun have any interest ..
fuck if someone ask me what would i buy if i have a lot of money..
i cant think of anything.. i dun have desire over anything..
i dun have purpose.. i dun have reasons..
well, life is just a fucked up thing..
and it do suck the more i live in it~
whether it sad or happy
one will never know
life, it just a lie, a dreams, very long stupid dreams
or should i say, it a big fucked up game
i couldnt save it, couldnt load it either
dunno where the fucking checkpoint also
for me, i never wish i was born..
for what purpose ? or even for what reason ?
should i know what in store for me ?
i guess, even the wisest cant answer that ..
have faith, have faith, have faith, have faith, have faith !!!!
shall i seek faith, or shall faith came to find me ..
i'm in a very deep shit, lost.. how should i find the right path..
i believe in god.. and i believe in god promises..
one of that is every single soul that breath,
will stop breathing.. and when that day come..
where should i go ?? what should i do ??
why am i have to go through this ??
i think i'm not too good too be in heaven,
i think i'm not too evil too rot in hell either..
this uncertainty.. urghhhh~~
i had live for quarter century now ?
what has i done, what i'm going to do ?
just live to see the curve in others lips while
the curve just upside down in mine ?
in the end, i want to share something..
to someone that i know wont ever betray me..
i guess that someone is too much of a wish for me.. heh~
life is just a big fucking mess up that i have to go through..
i dont care about money!! give me thousands, millions ..
i dun have shit to buy, i dun have any interest ..
fuck if someone ask me what would i buy if i have a lot of money..
i cant think of anything.. i dun have desire over anything..
i dun have purpose.. i dun have reasons..
well, life is just a fucked up thing..
and it do suck the more i live in it~
Thursday, November 5, 2009
[Epistles] philoshoper advise
My advise to you my friend, is getting married.
if you find a good wife, then you are happy..
else, you become a philosopher..
if you find a good wife, then you are happy..
else, you become a philosopher..
Thursday, September 3, 2009
[Epistles] Snow White And The Magic Mirror
Once upon a time there was a snow white who just wake from her deep slumber by a kiss from prince charming. she so happy once she open her eyes she see a very handsome prince right in front of her and all the dwarves overjoys as the curse is lifted
Hence, she goes back to the prince castle and live there.. and the story starts here.. the story about the magic mirror that cause all the trouble..
As soon as the magic mirror knows that Snow White’s cursed has been lifted.. he search with endlessly effort to be with the Snow White.. As he is not as perfect as he used to be, broken and smashed by the wrath of the dark witch, nevertheless, the strong will of his heart to be with Snow White never wither..
Day by days, weeks by weeks, he travel and travel, search and search for the whom he really adore in his entire life.. Finally in one night on the late falls, he finally find what he looking for, Snow White..
He begged for Snow White to accept him.. an old broken mirror who only good at talking somehow manages to win Snow White heart.. so she takes the mirror home with her, and hang him on her wall.. the mirror was so happy that time, he couldn’t ask more in his life..
Everyday gazing at the girl he adore, singing her beautiful melody and tells her how beautiful she look everyday. With simple thing like that, he manages to mend the cracked, and shine brighter that he used to be..
However Snow White thinks of the mirror not more than her property. She still plays with the dwarves.. she lives the days like she use to.. Without fail, the mirror keep adore Snow White for a very long times..
Come on days, the mirror realize what he was doing and his love for the Snow White nothing more than a love of a possession to his master.. the mirror feels like betray and decide to cast away all of his feeling and he starting to shut his mouth, day by days the number of adoring rhymes begins to fades.. Until one days, the mirror silence from all of the singing he use to sing in hope that Snow White realize what she has done, abandoning the one who really adore her..
During the second falls, Snow White realize changes about the mirror, he was not as joyful as he used to be, Snow White begins to worry as she missed all those beautiful rhyme she used to had, now becoming less and less and starting to disappear..
She ask the mirror,
“oh, magic mirror, why don’t you be like how you use to be”
Almost cry by the question, he realized that Snow White miss him, the mirror replied,
“nothing my dear, it just I’m very busy lately”
“oh magic mirror, don’t you be silly, how could a mirror like you being so busy ? “ ..
Since then, Snow White begin to change, she pays attention to the mirrors more. But it is too late for the magic mirror. His magic begin to fade, as the glass begins to cracked.. Snow White hunger for the sing, the jokes, the adoring the mirrors showered her.. the hunger turns to anger, she yells, she abuse the mirrors, she push him to do what he used to do.. the mirror did what he used to do but heartless.. As long as his princess is happy, he willing to takes all the Snow White anger.. however, Snow White fail to notice the mirror beginning to crack little by little..
As one night come the third falls since the mirror found her, his magic is near depleted.. he turning back as the first time he meets with Snow White.. he is no longer magical mirror, slowly becoming like an ordinary mirror.. and he say to the Snow White..
“I had showered you with all my kindness and my love, all I ask was a single appreciation, what should I do to earn yours Snowie ? “
“I have hang you on my wall, I have picked you from the dirty place you use to live, isn’t that enough to satisfy you?” …
“But Snowie, could you treat me gently, like a person that you love?”
“Don’t be silly, you are just a talking mirror.. Just do what you do best.. talking, could you say or sing something beautiful for me before I sleep.. isn’t that what your existence purpose?”
With the pale smile, and a broken feeling, the mirror gather all his might and magic, to sing Snow White one last song.. A very beautiful song that Snow White fell asleep with it..
And then the next day comes as Snow White wakes from her bed and she look on her wall, the mirror has gone, and what remains is the piece of the glass shatter on the floor..
Snow White realize that the mirror has gone forever.. as she gathered the broken glass, she accidentally cut her finger and bleed.. and she remember one of the rhyme that the mirrors sang to her last night..
“love is like collecting piece of broken glass,
Some people can collect all of them,
Some people can’t,
But while collecting them, there always someone who get hurt”- magic mirror
:)
Hence, she goes back to the prince castle and live there.. and the story starts here.. the story about the magic mirror that cause all the trouble..
As soon as the magic mirror knows that Snow White’s cursed has been lifted.. he search with endlessly effort to be with the Snow White.. As he is not as perfect as he used to be, broken and smashed by the wrath of the dark witch, nevertheless, the strong will of his heart to be with Snow White never wither..
Day by days, weeks by weeks, he travel and travel, search and search for the whom he really adore in his entire life.. Finally in one night on the late falls, he finally find what he looking for, Snow White..
He begged for Snow White to accept him.. an old broken mirror who only good at talking somehow manages to win Snow White heart.. so she takes the mirror home with her, and hang him on her wall.. the mirror was so happy that time, he couldn’t ask more in his life..
Everyday gazing at the girl he adore, singing her beautiful melody and tells her how beautiful she look everyday. With simple thing like that, he manages to mend the cracked, and shine brighter that he used to be..
However Snow White thinks of the mirror not more than her property. She still plays with the dwarves.. she lives the days like she use to.. Without fail, the mirror keep adore Snow White for a very long times..
Come on days, the mirror realize what he was doing and his love for the Snow White nothing more than a love of a possession to his master.. the mirror feels like betray and decide to cast away all of his feeling and he starting to shut his mouth, day by days the number of adoring rhymes begins to fades.. Until one days, the mirror silence from all of the singing he use to sing in hope that Snow White realize what she has done, abandoning the one who really adore her..
During the second falls, Snow White realize changes about the mirror, he was not as joyful as he used to be, Snow White begins to worry as she missed all those beautiful rhyme she used to had, now becoming less and less and starting to disappear..
She ask the mirror,
“oh, magic mirror, why don’t you be like how you use to be”
Almost cry by the question, he realized that Snow White miss him, the mirror replied,
“nothing my dear, it just I’m very busy lately”
“oh magic mirror, don’t you be silly, how could a mirror like you being so busy ? “ ..
Since then, Snow White begin to change, she pays attention to the mirrors more. But it is too late for the magic mirror. His magic begin to fade, as the glass begins to cracked.. Snow White hunger for the sing, the jokes, the adoring the mirrors showered her.. the hunger turns to anger, she yells, she abuse the mirrors, she push him to do what he used to do.. the mirror did what he used to do but heartless.. As long as his princess is happy, he willing to takes all the Snow White anger.. however, Snow White fail to notice the mirror beginning to crack little by little..
As one night come the third falls since the mirror found her, his magic is near depleted.. he turning back as the first time he meets with Snow White.. he is no longer magical mirror, slowly becoming like an ordinary mirror.. and he say to the Snow White..
“I had showered you with all my kindness and my love, all I ask was a single appreciation, what should I do to earn yours Snowie ? “
“I have hang you on my wall, I have picked you from the dirty place you use to live, isn’t that enough to satisfy you?” …
“But Snowie, could you treat me gently, like a person that you love?”
“Don’t be silly, you are just a talking mirror.. Just do what you do best.. talking, could you say or sing something beautiful for me before I sleep.. isn’t that what your existence purpose?”
With the pale smile, and a broken feeling, the mirror gather all his might and magic, to sing Snow White one last song.. A very beautiful song that Snow White fell asleep with it..
And then the next day comes as Snow White wakes from her bed and she look on her wall, the mirror has gone, and what remains is the piece of the glass shatter on the floor..
Snow White realize that the mirror has gone forever.. as she gathered the broken glass, she accidentally cut her finger and bleed.. and she remember one of the rhyme that the mirrors sang to her last night..
“love is like collecting piece of broken glass,
Some people can collect all of them,
Some people can’t,
But while collecting them, there always someone who get hurt”- magic mirror
:)
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